When everyday was April Fool’s Day

2-mountains-java.jpg

For too many years I didn’t believe, didn’t know that I was enough.

I depended too much on others to drag me through the unknowns, to light the candle I held. I wasted so much time following shadows, looking over my shoulder, afraid that if I’d ever be abandoned, I’d never find my way back.  Because without the safety net of friends, family, even strangers sometimes, I’d be left dealing with me. And I didn’t possess the confidence to do that.

I didn’t have the ability to feel the fear and do it anyway. I allowed myself too many bouts of emotional paralysis. Not that I believe we should exist as isolated entities, severing ourselves from that comfort that people can provide. Either extreme is unhealthy.

But learning to accept responsibility for what we become and how we’re going to steer ourselves there—that’s the victory. Being able to light your own candle with the fire of your self-trust, your belief that you can survive, that no one–as Eleanor Roosevelt said–can make you feel inferior without your consent.  Having the courage to stand up for what others sit down for.

And, not just finally, but always–recognizing that whatever I feel about my circumstances, God’s grace is always sufficient.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “When everyday was April Fool’s Day

  1. Christa… how beautiful. From word one of this post my heart was drawn in. Your words are filled with depth and candor, but perhaps more importantly, with humility.

    You bless me…

    😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s