Plan for on my way to growing up

I’ve finally decided what I want to be on my way to growing up.

At some point, God willing and the levees don’t break, I’ll be a multi-published writer who is entertaining the grandchildren on the lanai of my Kauai summer home while I’m chatting with my agent who’s about to break the news that Julia Roberts agreed to walk on her knees so that she can play me in the film version of my life.

In the meantime, I want to be one of those people who gets to name paint colors. My father owned a hardware store, and I spent too much time there browsing through the paint chip files. It’s just so intriguing that grown people are paid to ponder preposterous paint names. Do they do this before or after lunch, I wonder, contemplating if lunch consists mostly of solid or liquid food substances.

I probably should be a bit ashamed to admit that I cruised through the Benjamin Moore site before composing the blog, but it was all in the name of research. Truth is, there are at least a bazillion paint color names–far too many for me to wax poetic about here.

I found that pink can be charming, passion, lilac, bunny nose, newborn, wild, posy, lace, blush, blossom, pansy, innocence, and ballerina, wild, paradise, gypsy, princess, and I Love You (to name a few).

If you don’t get to travel much, you may, instead, vacation vicariously through the following: Tulsa Twilight, Rocky Mountain Sky, Honolulu Blue, Gobi Desert, Yosemite Blue, Caribbean Azure, Galapagos Turquoise, Naples Blue,Tuscon Teal, Venezuelan Sky, Grand Canyon Red, Douglas Fir, Toronto Blue.

Hungry? American Cheese, Sharp Cheddar, Carrot Stick, Eggshell, Neon Celery, Peach Parfait, Lemonade, and an assortment of mousses and sorbets of varying shades.

But let’s get real. What color is Dog’s Ear? Funky Fruit?

Let’s petition for names we can honestly and immediately visualize–like Baby Urp Yellow, Roast Beef Gravy Brown, Pawprints on the Carpet Deep Black, Raw Oyster Gray, Clean Diaper White, Similac with Iron Ecru, Runny Nose Green, Fish Stick Taupe.

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3 thoughts on “Plan for on my way to growing up

  1. Hey don’t forget I have the rights to the film version of your life! You should start writing the screenplay. Two years until I get out of film school! We will both win Oscars.

  2. “who’s about to break the news that Julia Roberts agreed to walk on her knees so that she can play me in the film version of my life.” It took me a minute to realize what you meant by this statement. I thought you meant she was going to beg to play you, but after about .5 seconds i remembered the slight height difference. haha. Oh and I decided when/if I have children I’m going to the Home Depot and I’m going to browse the paint chips to pick a name. Yes this is slightly pathetic, but I have sort of an exercising inferiority complex. So I like to become slightly skilled before I enter any form of a gym. God that sounds stupid haha but I do yoga in my room with a dvd until I learn some of the positions then I’m going to go sign up for a class at the yoga center. 🙂 You should definately try it though it’s really relaxing. The have this position and its to like relax well I was doing it and I woke up like 30 minutes later really confused. Okay this comment was way too long. Obviously I have no life because I’m leaving short stories on my teacher’s blog.

  3. Why can women see about 13 shades of pink and men can only see 3? I don’t think pink is a pretty color. It’s feminine and very perverse (I’m not explaining that) and it’s just not suitable on any occasion, not even Valentine’s Day. By the way, how’s this for a color “Dog’s Vomit Flannel”?

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