When everyday was April Fool’s Day

For too many years I didn’t believe, didn’t know that I was enough.

I depended too much on others to drag me through the unknowns, to light the candle I held. I wasted so much time following shadows, looking over my shoulder, afraid that if I’d ever be abandoned, I’d never find my way back.  Because without the safety net of friends, family, even strangers sometimes, I’d be left dealing with me. And I didn’t possess the confidence to do that.

I didn’t have the ability to feel the fear and do it anyway. I allowed myself too many bouts of emotional paralysis. Not that I believe we should exist as isolated entities, severing ourselves from that comfort that people can provide. Either extreme is unhealthy.

But learning to accept responsibility for what we become and how we’re going to steer ourselves there—that’s the victory. Being able to light your own candle with the fire of your self-trust, your belief that you can survive, that no one–as Eleanor Roosevelt said–can make you feel inferior without your consent.  Having the courage to stand up for what others sit down for.

And, not just finally, but always–recognizing that whatever I feel about my circumstances, God’s grace is always sufficient.